Hello.

Well I guess I will start from the beginning. I have been bullied since I was in the fourth grade and it was severe. The worst time was when I was walking home and a group of around 18 kids both boy’s and girls surrounded me, threatened me, and told me i was fat and ugly.

That was the first time I thought about suicide.

In the eight grade it started getting better, I met a friend who was always there for me and never let me down. But when it came time for summer we lost contact and I lost her friendship.

The first time I cut was with I think a letter opener and it was the the beginning of eight grade summer but it didn’t bleed…so I thought nothing of it. But what I noticed it was  becoming a need…I started doing it every single day and it never bled. I remember the first time I cut and it did bleed…I liked it. I love the way it felt, looked, the way it dripped. That was the day it became an addiction.

I was depressed before that though, I don’t know what from but it was moderate. Then it started getting harder and harder and I noticed myself cutting more and more, the depression getting worse, and my suicidal thoughts coming more and more.I reached out for help, and I got it. Not from my parents, my councilor, but my best friend. She promised to always be there and again it all started to go away. Then one day I noticed our friendship was fading away and I lost her…that is when my depression, harming, eating problems, and suicidal thoughts all came back with a vengeance. I was scared to be alone for too long because I wanted to kill myself, I would find anything to cut myself with, I denied food and threw up a lot of it, I would cry every single night.

I still struggle with all of this on a day to day basis. I have been strong enough to overcome most of it, but it still kills me some days. I made this blog to help, because I only wish when all of this was happening I wasn’t alone. No one deserves to be alone.